So, I was talking to John the other day (that’s @haurdcider to you!) and I was saying how it was feeling kind of difficult to get my foot back in the door on twitter. Not so much that I care about stars or anything, but more that I lost some followers who where pretty good friends to me. I don’t begrudge them unfollowing or anything, but I just kind of miss them and hope I can reconnect with some of them. John told me that it’s possible that some people may have been hurt when I left since I really didn’t keep in touch with anyone.
I know this should have occurred to me long before now, but of course, he’s right. I just wasn’t thinking of it that way when I left. I was having a hard time juggling my job, friends, family, my boyfriend and the twitter/tumblr community all at the same time. I felt internal pressure to dedicate time to starring tweetings and hearting posts and to come up with funny things to say on twitter. For some strange reason it’s easier for me to come up with jokes when I’m not happy and I was really happy at the time, or at least not so messed up as I had once been. Also, my boyfriend begrudged the time I spent online and encouraged me to give it up. To be fair though, he didn’t have to try very hard.
Anyway, it wasn’t that I didn’t care about all of you or anything. I did very much. I missed so many people while I was gone and thought about them all the time. I guess I just didn’t think anyone would miss ME all that much so my walking away would hurt me a lot more than it would any of you.
I guess, what I’m trying to say is that if anyone was hurt or offended that I left and didn’t say anything, I really do apologize. I just wasn’t thinking which isn’t at all surprising.
Tumblr just sent me an email that said my dashboard was “literally” on fire and since there is no fire here and misuse of the word ‘literally’ is my pet peeve, someone is going to have to pay for this!
So, I’ve been back on Twitter one week and I’ve managed to piss off not one, but TWO celebrities. That has to be some kind of record.
I’m actually kind of proud…
Okay, I’d like to copy and paste responses and answer them but my iPhone won’t let me.
So, where have I been? I’ve been around. Just working, hanging out with friends, etcetera. I haven’t posted on Tumblr or Twitter because I just didn’t have anything to say. I still don’t really but I wanted to come back anyway.
I did miss all of you though.
It’s been a long time. How is everyone?
I don’t normally name my breakfast but I think I’ll call these Gerald and Harold.
Aren’t these the cutest cupcakes ever?!
I was talking to a friend on gchat about Joan Rivers and I said she looks like Lambchop. My friend said she looks like The Riddler, to which I asked “which Riddler?” He said from the tv show and I said Frank Gorshin, though John Astin also played The Riddler on the show once…
And now he knows I’m a nerd.
I went to a luau yesterday that was hosted by a woman I went to high school with and now I have no choice but to face facts. I’m never going to grow up. Mary Ann is married, owns a beautiful house, has a grown-up kid (ugh, he’s 21 years old and totally hot and I used to change his diapers…), and all of her friends are pretty much in the same boat. I’m still single, no kids (none wanted), no husband (ditto), and I still show up at Saturday afternoon parties talking about how drunk I got the night before and how hung over I am.
I’m just wondering how many more years I have before I’m reclassified from “fun” to “pathetic”.
I’ve been reading the book The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold this week. I’ve read it before, but that was ten years ago when it first came out. I just have to mention how much I enjoy the writing. Every so often Sebold writes a sentence or two that just strikes me as so thought provoking that I seriously have to stop reading and just ruminate on what she said for a while.
For instance, there is a character who at 15 is acknowledging to her diary that she has crushes on other females:
"It was not so much, she would write in her journal, that she wanted to have sex with women, but that she wanted to disappear inside of them forever. To hide."
I’ve been thinking about that passage all day. I’ve done this, tried to disappear inside someone else and mistook that desperate kind of need with love. I just wasn’t ever able to articulate it as clearly as Alice Sebold did in a few simple sentences.