I don’t normally name my breakfast but I think I’ll call these Gerald and Harold.

Aren’t these the cutest cupcakes ever?!

I was talking to a friend on gchat about Joan Rivers and I said she looks like Lambchop.  My friend said she looks like The Riddler, to which I asked “which Riddler?” He said from the tv show and I said Frank Gorshin, though John Astin also played The Riddler on the show once…

And now he knows I’m a nerd.

I Never - Rilo Kiley

I went to a luau yesterday that was hosted by a woman I went to high school with and now I have no choice but to face facts. I’m never going to grow up. Mary Ann is married, owns a beautiful house, has a grown-up kid (ugh, he’s 21 years old and totally hot and I used to change his diapers…), and all of her friends are pretty much in the same boat. I’m still single, no kids (none wanted), no husband (ditto), and I still show up at Saturday afternoon parties talking about how drunk I got the night before and how hung over I am.

I’m just wondering how many more years I have before I’m reclassified from “fun” to “pathetic”.

I’ve been reading the book The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold this week. I’ve read it before, but that was ten years ago when it first came out. I just have to mention how much I enjoy the writing. Every so often Sebold writes a sentence or two that just strikes me as so thought provoking that I seriously have to stop reading and just ruminate on what she said for a while.

For instance, there is a character who at 15 is acknowledging to her diary that she has crushes on other females:

“It was not so much, she would write in her journal, that she wanted to have sex with women, but that she wanted to disappear inside of them forever. To hide.”

I’ve been thinking about that passage all day. I’ve done this, tried to disappear inside someone else and mistook that desperate kind of need with love. I just wasn’t ever able to articulate it as clearly as Alice Sebold did in a few simple sentences.

Genius.

If you missed Part I go here:

http://vivaveronica122.tumblr.com/post/28238779128/the-story-of-stan-and-laura-part-i

If you missed Part II go here:

http://vivaveronica122.tumblr.com/post/28269316912/the-story-of-stan-and-laura-part-ii

In the following months, Stan, Laura and I continued to hang out together. I sometimes was a little frustrated that Stan and I were never alone because Laura was always around, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. I continued to lose interest in Stan as a sexual partner and was just content to have friends to hang out with. I have to admit, that I wasn’t always happy hanging out with Laura. In addition to being a cock-blocker she was also kind of dumb (okay, extremely dumb), kind of boring (she wouldn’t know what to do with witty conversation if it bit her in the ass), and also something of a downer. It seemed like if she wasn’t getting enough attention she would launch into a story of some traumatic event that happened to her in her life. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I wasn’t sympathetic, but if we’re laughing at something funny someone else said it’s kind of weird for her to start talking about the time she was raped…or molested…or went to prison for prostitution…etc. There’s a time and a place for true confessions, and Applebee’s trivia night is not it.

Anyway, like I said, I was losing interest in having sex with Stan because, not to brag, I could get laid easily any night of the week by anyone else. I didn’t really feel like he was anything special to wait for. When I would mention to Laura that I was just content to be friends with Stan she would always talk me around and tell me “oh, you should go for it. Stan is really into you…” I always took that with a grain of salt, but I stuck around because we were all ultimately friends anyway.

At the end of June, Laura and Stan met a woman named Katrina (I’m keeping her name real because she is the heroine of this story and I’m sure I’ll mention her again in the future). They brought Katrina to trivia night one Tuesday and she and I met. She seemed kind of cool and the four of us started all hanging around together.

One Saturday, Stan and Laura had other plans so Katrina and I decided to spend the day together. We were having dinner when she said something that struck me as odd. I immediately tried to clear things up:

Me: You know that Stan and Laura aren’t a couple, right? They’re just friends.

Katrina: No, they’re boyfriend and girlfriend. That’s what Laura told me.

Me: What? They’ve been telling me for months that they’re just friends and they’ve never slept together.

Katrina: Laura told me that they’ve been together for a while, but Stan hasn’t touched her for four months because she’s been on her period. 

(This is true by the way. Laura has been on her period the entire time I’ve known her.)

At this point we’re both flummoxed.  They’ve been lying to one of us, but which one? It seemed more logical that they have been lying to me, but you never know. Laura is crazy. I’m not just saying this. She’s actually clinically nuts but she hasn’t been taking her meds because she can’t afford them. It was possible that Laura was making this all up in her head. We decided to get the bottom of this weird situation.

The next day, after hours of trying to get a hold of them, I finally got Stan on the phone. I was very direct with him and told him I just needed to know the truth.

Me: Just be honest, are you and Laura boyfriend and girlfriend?

Stan: Well, it’s kind of been going that way. Living together and all…

Me: Oh? When did this start?

Stan: Well, it’s been developing for a little while. I can’t put a date on it.

Me: Really? Because Laura told Katrina that you’re together, you’ve been together for a while, but you haven’t touched her for four months because she’s been on her period.

Stan: Okay, I might have hedged the truth a little.

Me: So you’ve been lying to me for four months?

Stan: Yeah.

At this point we ended the conversation because I was so mad and upset I just couldn’t deal with him right then. Later after we talked again Stan says that he lied to me because he didn’t think I’d be interested if I knew he had a girlfriend. He also got Laura to lie for him and she agreed to do it.

Now, I’m a pretty sexually liberal person, but this entire situation sickened me. Here is a guy who made his mentally ill girlfriend lie for him so that he could have sex with another woman. Laura depends on Stan for everything; food, clothing, shelter, love, etc., and he took advantage of her dependence on him for a piece of ass. No wonder she was always cock-blocking me. She didn’t really want me to sleep with her boyfriend. I’m a little confused that every time I told her that I wasn’t interested in Stan anymore she always tried to drag me back, but she’s ill. I don’t think I’ll every understand that part of it.

So, now I’m no longer friends with Stan and Laura. What’s even crazier is that they’re both completely bewildered that I won’t accept their apologies and be friends with them again. They think saying “sorry” is all they need to do to still have me hang out with them. They don’t get that I think they’re both sick and twisted and that I don’t even want to breathe the same air they breathe. I just want them to stay away from me. Unfortunately, I still have to see Stan every day at work, but other than that they are completely out of my life. Katrina dropped them as well because she found the entire thing sordid and besides, she was getting sick of Laura’s depressing stories. I also let her know that both Stan and Laura mentioned to me that they wanted to sleep with her too and she was completely creeped out by that. I wasn’t trying to make her dump them, because I told her it didn’t matter to me if she still wanted to hang out with them sometimes, but I just felt she should know. I don’t want to see them pull something on her too.

Well, that’s the story, and pretty much what I’ve been doing while being offline. Is it any wonder I’ve come back to Tumblr?!

Did someone die from All in the Family? I ask because it looks like they preempted Soap for an All in the Family marathon.

I hate not being able to watch Soap on Sunday nights!

I really don’t mean to be critical of my neighbor, Mike, because he keeps buying us drinks and shots and everything, but if you are trying to get money from the ATM and you need help because you can’t see, you should probably go home and stop drinking.

If you missed Part I go here:

http://vivaveronica122.tumblr.com/post/28238779128/the-story-of-stan-and-laura-part-i

The next time I saw Stan and Laura together (I see Stan every day at work) was the following Sunday. They both volunteered to help me move to my new apartment. Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention that I’m no longer living with my cousin. I now have a place of my own. Anyway, they were great and helped a lot with the move. Laura is a hefty girl and was able to lift things that give me a hernia just to look at (I’m like a delicate flower) so it didn’t take long to move my stuff. When we got everything moved we had a few drinks because, of course, the first few things I bought for my new apartment were rum, vodka, wine, and beer. Stan had to leave for a while because he had his 4 year old son that day and he had to take “Jake” back to his ex-wife’s place, leaving me and Laura alone.

Laura had had a few drinks by this time and as soon as Stan and Jake left she again reiterated that she was attracted to me and if I ever decided I wanted to be with a woman that she would love to have sex with me. I thanked her and told her I would keep that in mind, but that I wasn’t interested at this point. Laura then started going on about how she and Stan had been good friends for years and that she was kind of attracted to him, but she never went there because she didn’t want to ruin the friendship. She then told me that she could never promise me that she wouldn’t sleep with him at some point because she probably would.

This kind of bothered me because while I really am not looking for a relationship or even monogamy, I don’t want to hang out with a guy I’m sleeping with and also the other women he’s sleeping with. Call me crazy, but if I’m with a guy that I’m sleeping with, even if we’re just friends, I want his attention on ME and not some other chick. I have no interest in being part of a harem.

So I laid down the law with Laura and told her that if she wanted to sleep with Stan she should just go ahead and do it, but then let me know so that I won’t sleep with him too. Otherwise, she should wait until I’m done with him and then she can sleep with him all she wants. I tried to explain to her that while I had no right to tell her who to sleep with, and I had no right to tell Stan who to sleep with, I have every right to only do what I feel comfortable with and I would not feel comfortable sleeping with Stan if he was also sleeping with her. Stan came back shortly after and we all hung out together and had a few drinks and then they left.

I noticed the week after this conversation that Stan kind of distanced himself from me which I thought was kind of strange, but I didn’t really care that much because at this point, I really was losing interest myself. This all seemed like a lot of drama when all I really wanted was friends and maybe just a little sex. The next time we all went out (it seemed like Stan and I were never able to go out alone. Laura always had to be there) Stan apologized for being a little cool with me and said that Laura told him that I was looking for a monogamous relationship. I immediately became angry because Laura completely distorted what I had said to her and I tried to explain to him what I really said. It all got straightened out, but from there on I was very wary of Laura…

To be continued…

Okay, here it is. The story I was promising you. It’s kind of weird, and only I could get mixed up in something like this, but that’s why I’m VivaVeronica122. I’m going to tell it in a few parts because it’s kind of long.

First off, let me update you on what has been going on in my life since I was last active on Tumblr. I’m still working. I’m still a temp, but it’s at the same place and I’m hoping it might still lead to a permanent situation, but in the meantime at least it’s a paycheck. Also, the guy I was seeing at the time is gone. I don’t really want to go into it too much except to say that he was a really nice guy and he deserves better than what I was able to give him (relationship wise) and I accidentally hurt him which is why I probably deserved what came next…

I met “Stan” at work (I’ve changed the names so that if they turn psycho they won’t come after me if/when they see this). He’s kind of a skinny, nerdy, white guy which is my type and we soon became flirty with each other. He seemed really nice and smart and he liked to go out for drinks which is my favorite past-time. I didn’t let him know right away that I was into him, but we soon made plans to meet for a drink at a local bar since we both live in the same area of town.

With the assistance of a few vodka/tonics on my part, and a few whiskey/cokes on his part, we both confessed that we were interested in each other. He right away explained that he wasn’t looking for a relationship right now but he wanted to sleep with me and be friends. I was actually very okay with this, given the recent bad break up with that nice guy I mentioned earlier so I quickly agreed. Stan then told me about his friend “Laura” who was crashing on his couch because she was going through a rough period at that time and he was helping her out. According to Stan, Laura was really cool and he was kind of attracted to her too, but though she is bi, she leans more towards women so they’d never been more than friends.

The following week I agreed to meet Stan at a local restaurant/bar for Team Trivia and to meet Laura. I got there before Stan and Laura and found a place at the bar where I had a pretty good view of the door and the rest of the patrons at the same time. Stan and Laura showed up and Laura and I were introduced. She seemed pretty nice and was really friendly so it seemed fine. I sat in the middle of them and the three of us started to play the trivia game. Everything was good at first.

What got kind of weird was that when I said I had to go to the bathroom, Laura immediately jumped up and said she needed to go as well. In the bathroom she told me that she thought I was really pretty and sweet and that if I was interested, she wouldn’t mind being my first lez experience. She then mentioned that she would also be into having a threesome with me and Stan. I really didn’t know what to say so I didn’t commit either way and just got out of the ladies room as soon as possible.

Later, when I was outside having a cigarette with Stan (Laura doesn’t smoke) he also expressed a desire to have a threesome with me and Laura. I told him that I was not into women and that threesomes were not my thing. He said he was okay with this and then we went back inside and finished our trivia game. When it was over I told Stan and Laura that I was going home, but they both begged me to go back to their apartment with them. I really didn’t want to go because at this point I was a little weirded out by them, but I went anyway, despite my better judgment.

When we got to their apartment, Stan and I sat on the couch together while Laura sat on the chaise lounge. Stan started making out with me and stuck his hand in my bra while Laura watched. He the then turned to her and said “it’s more than a handful, and it’s not wasted” (did I mention he’s kind of nerdy?). Anyway, at this point I was kind of embarrassed and I was almost relieved when Stan suggested we go into the bedroom. Once we went in there we kissed a little bit more, but then I stopped and told him I was not having sex with him that night. I explained that I felt like the entire night felt like a trap to try and get me into a threesome and I felt very weird trying to have sex with him while Laura was sitting just one room away. The whole evening was giving me the creeps and I really just needed to get out of there. He understood and apologized but we agreed that we would still be friends and eventually sleep together at another time.

To be continued…