October 2011
70 posts
I was thinking about it today, and if I’m going to have kids I’d really better do it now since I’m already kind of old for it. Now, I don’t really want kids but I figured it would be better to just go ahead and have one and if I decide later that I hate it I can always give it away or something. No biggie, right?
So I figured I would need a baby daddy and I thought; what...
Fun-sized Almond Joys are pretty much the only thing keeping me from killing myself right now.
Well, that and the fact that I don’t want to die.
9 tags
I’m a very tolerant person. I also very much value diversity and I hate ignorance of all kinds. Despite this there is one group of “people” that I just can’t help judging. People who eat onions.
I will never understand these freaks. I try to be nice to them but when I see someone buying onions at the grocery store I yell, “WHY DON’T YOU GO BACK TO WHERE YOU...
I’m not going to do a Wednesday Shuffle today. Just assume I’m listening to something really cool and hip and not singing along to Kelly Clarkson right now.
Shut up.
I recently watched the movie I Spit On Your Grave, the original not the remake which is from the 70s. Now I know this sounds awful, but when the girl got her bikini bottom ripped off, instead of being horrified because of what’s about to happen to her, I instead was giggling because she seriously looked like she was wearing another bikini bottom underneath her other one. A bikini bottom made...
Truthful Tuesday
I hate my nose.
I found two silver hairs this weekend so of course I bought 3 boxes of hair dye to make sure I got those fuckers.
I’m not able to lie about my age. Mostly because I don’t like lying but it also just seems silly. Plus, I like it when people pretend to be surprised that I’m 40.
I really want to start tweeting more, but the truth is I’m kind of dry on...
9 tags
I wonder where men got the idea that women like looking at pictures of their penises. I’m sure there are probably a couple of women who do, but none that I know IRL or even on the internet. It just seems weird that so many men are under this false impression that we enjoy looking at dick pics.
I was talking to one of my friends on twitter who is a pretty popular tweeter and he was saying...
You know what? I like foibles. I like flawed people. People who are too good kind of get on my nerves. I know that sounds terrible, but it’s the truth. Maybe it’s because I have so many flaws, but perfect people are boring. I don’t trust people who are always just nice to everyone all the time. Who the fuck died and made you Mother Theresa? Oh, right.
I guess what I’m...
To my WWF friends
I’m so sorry it took me so long to make my move (5 days). I swear to do better from now on so you can beat me faster.
Holy crap. The movie The Big Red One is on which is THE best war film of all time!
Also, this was my dad’s division when he was in the Army. So psyched right now.
It’s Saturday and I have a huge headache from drinking too many mimosas and I have to blow leaves while listening to The Weepies. (the Weepies part was optional). This Saturday sucks so hard.
Oh and when I was drunk last night I decided to make chicken and mushrooms in a wine reduction sauce with angel hair pasta, which I didn’t even eat, so I have that mess to clean up later.
...
I’m in my jammies, copying sciencebruce by drinking mimosas, chatting with my lovely twitter wife, @ISaidDont, and watching the first of 4 Final Destination movies.
Pretty nice Friday night so far.
The truth is...
I’ve never been fired for sexting, though I DID get fired for inappropriate Internet use once. And this was before twitter and tumblr.
Yeah, I’m awesome.
Two truths and a lie
I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 30.
Girl-on-girl porn turns me on.
I once got fired from a job for sexting with my boyfriend.
I just read blanddiva11’s post which was titled “food for thought” and that got me thinking about “thought for food” which is an occasional segment on The Colbert Report. Then I started thinking about how much I love Stephen Colbert. Then I started thinking about how one day Stephen and I will be together as soon as he gets rid of his wife. Then I started thinking...
I just want to say one thing about all this stuff. And I know I’m not the first person to just say one thing about stuff. And I realize you all are probably sick of everyone saying junk about things and stuff. I can’t blame you. I’m sick of people saying stuff about junk and things. I’m also sure I won’t be the last one to say stuff…or things…or junk and...
I think most of you know who Humphrey is. Well, I was just reading an article about haunted teddy bears and now I’m kind of freaked out. I asked Humphrey if he’s haunted and he keeps saying no. I’m afraid he might be lying. Teddy bears lie sometimes, right?
Wednesday Shuffle
Stuttering - Ben’s Brother
No Woman No Cry - Bob Marley
Easy - The Commodores
What I Am - Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians
Love Her Madly - The Doors
Vampire - Antsy Pants
Jamie’s Crying’ - Van Halen
You Better You Bet - The Who
American Boy - Estelle (featuring Kanye West)
Oliver’s Army - Elvis Costello
Has anyone seen the movie I Spit On Your Grave? I just saw a preview for it at the beginning of my Walking Dead DVD and it looks really gross and disturbing so obviously I want to see it. Thoughts? Opinions?
Sex injury
I have very long hair and I have always had it long most of my life. One time I was having sex on the dining room floor with let’s call him “Jim” (because that was actually his name) and we were doing it missionary on the rug with me on the bottom. I made the mistake of lying on my hair and every time Jim thrusted my body inched upward on my hair, pulling my head back. I...
I’m bored and can’t sleep so I’m going to drink mudslides and watch Dream Girls. Who’s with me?
9 tags
I don’t know if it’s the piña coladas or the fact that I’m watching The Blues Brothers but I just sent a message on Facebook to my friend Matt letting him know I’ve decided to play bass guitar in his band.
I really hope I remember I did that tomorrow. I’m so drunk right now.
Oh, and The Blues Brothers is one of the best movies ever made.
Is it just me or is today a great day for staying in bed, watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and eating butter?
You know the part of the movie Cabin Fever when the little kid yells “PANCAKES!” and does a bunch of karate-like kicks? Do you think he is for or against pancakes? Or maybe he’s just expressing man’s inhumanity towards man? Man’s inhumanity towards breakfast food?
That movie is so deep.
I’ve been drinking wine so I’m going to geek out on you for a second.
I just want to say this about Star Trek: The Next Generation. I hate that Deanna Troi and Riker ended up together and that Data dies in the end. What kind of bullshit was that about? I liked Deanna with Worf. Also, Riker got so fat.
Now you all know. I’m a total nerd. And TNG is way better than the...
A Few Weekend Notes
I finally, finally, FINALLY finished my taxes and just submitted them so that shit is done!
My cousin just left for the weekend so I have the house all to myself.
I just got the entire original collection of the A Nightmare On Elm Street movies which I’m going to watch all weekend.
I’m on my way to the store to buy myself a steak and other stuff for dinner tonight and dinner...
Okay, so let’s say you’re walking down the street on your way to the store because you want to buy some candy or maybe a pen when someone on the street stops you and tells you they really like your shoes. You thank them and go on your way thinking how nice it was for a random stranger to give you a compliment. All of a sudden though you start to wonder if the stranger really liked your...
I’m on my 4th try of downloading the update for my iPhone and it says there’s only 2 hours left (after already going for 6 or 7) but I know it’s only setting me up for a fall. It’s going to time out any minute now. At which point there will be screaming, swearing, and smashing.
I’m kind of looking forward to it.
I’d love to participate in your ab meme today (that’s a lie) but I have so much to do. I have to try and download my iPhone update (again) and even more importantly, I have to do my taxes. My 2010 taxes. Yes. You see, in addition to all of my other wonderful idiosyncrasies, my daddy issues, my fear of commitment, my OCD, my current ailments, etc., I also have a bone-crushing fear of...
I’m sorry, but Paranormal Activity was totally not scary. In fact, most of it was boring until the very end and then I was mostly just relieved that I didn’t have to listen to that chick’s whiney voice anymore.
Not only do I give this movie two thumbs down, I also give it a middle finger. Totally lame.
getoffendedbone replied to your post: I’m getting ready to watch Paranormal Activity for…
by yourself? Original or remake?
___________________________________
Yes, I’m watching it alone and I’m guessing it’s a remake since it’s from 2009.
I’m getting ready to watch Paranormal Activity for the first time. I may need someone to come over and hold my hand. And by “hand” I mean boob.
Thanks to everyone for your messages and suggestions. Sorry I didn’t answer them earlier but I had to go to the police station to pay a parking ticket and I brought into the house a big box of DVDs and now I feel like I need a nap except I just had a pumpkin spice frappuccino from starbuck’s and now I have cramps. Guess I’ll just lie down and watch scary movies for a while...
Truthful Tuesday
My health has been deteriorating at an alarming rate since I moved back to Milwaukee. I can’t eat anything without then getting excruciating cramps and later killer heartburn. I’ve tried many things to try and get rid of the cramps, which by the way are always on my right side, and some things have helped a little for a while until they just stopped. The only thing that seems to help...
I just want to state for the record that I am 100% in favor of going ahead and pulling your underwear out of your ass in public when it gets stuck up there. Yes, people will look at you funny and judge you (including me) but just remember we’ve all been there. Anyone who claims that their underwear has never taken a walk up their ass is a damn liar.
I’m never going to shake your...
Being a teenager in the 80s was basically awesome. We had music like The Go-Gos, The Cure, New Order, Cyndi Lauper, etc., great movies, great shows, shoulder pads, Molly Ringwald, and super big hair. It was an awesome time. Greed is good.
My only regret from that period of time is earrings. Ginormous five pound earrings. The only hole stretched out more than the ones in my ears is...
I have a confession to make. I actually don’t really like chick flicks. I think they’re mostly corny and stupid and so unrealistic. At the end of the movie the guy and girl are all like “I love you!” “I love you too!” When the truth is they went on like one date and didn’t seem to like each other all that much. Or something even more farfetched. A couple...
I was cleaning out a drawer in the nightstand which belongs to my cousin that I’m using for my new stereo and tv and I found Dr. Yee enhancement cream. Strawberry.
I so wish I could turn back time.
I can’t believe it’s 2 in the afternoon and I just woke up. I seriously need to get up, shower and get out of here. I need to buy myself a tv and a DVD player.
Okay. That’s a lie. I’m not going to buy a DVD player. I’m going to buy a PS2 today. If you’re wondering why I’m buying a PS2 and not a PS3 it’s because I have all of my favorite games on...
I went to Radio Shack today to buy a stereo that I can dock my iPod into and also play CDs. So I find the one I want and ask the big fat guy working if they have any in stock. He goes to check and comes back a minute later and says no. They don’t. I then ask him if they’re going to get any in and he says they can’t order them. I ask about the floor model and ask if it works. He...
I went to the grocery store today and bought all the fixings for homemade spaghetti. I bought pasta, tomatoes, fresh basil, fresh garlic, mushrooms, sausage, Parmesan, French bread to make garlic bread, the whole deal.
Then I got it all home and it seemed like too much work so I ended up having pickles and chocolate milk for dinner.
Maybe tomorrow.
