Livin' La Vida Vodka

I need a music suggestion because I’m sick of listening to sad songs. I want something that says something like “I used to like you and think you were cool, but now I hope the only pussy you ever get is a blue waffle.”

Oh, and if you don’t know what a blue waffle is do NOT google it. Trust me on this one.

Just in case you weren’t aware (and I just found out myself), my twitter wife and bff Kelly (@ISaidDont) now has a tumblr. Follow her. She’s awesome!

http://isaiddont.tumblr.com/

I’m going to a tweet up this weekend too. It’s just going to be me and my teddy bear Humphrey, but we’re both really psyched about it.

Man, it has been a crazy week for me. First, I had a fight with my best friend (resolved). Then I had that issue with Tim and Favstar (ugh, no progress there). Now I broke up with my “internet boyfriend”. To be completely accurate, he broke up with me. But that’s okay. I don’t get upset. I don’t get mad. I don’t get even. I just get more and more fabulous.

Oh, and just in case you think “internet boyfriend” is kind of pathetic, rest assured that I just got laid in real life Friday night. I just like having lots of options. 

I sent Tim at Favstar a dm just now asking to make a deal. What I proposed was that he extend my bonus features for one month which will give him time to resolve the technical issues he’s having and will make me feel better about renewing.

Hahaha! He’s so going to tell me to go fuck myself!

I was going to try to stay off the internet completely today, but I’m not that strong and there’s something I need to vent about.

You all probably know by now that I’m not a complainer. I don’t get involved in twitter drama, I don’t give a shit about this whole “twitter elite” thing. I don’t piss and moan when my tweets don’t get a lot of stars, or if someone has more followers than I do, or who’s being offensive or whatever. I might get disappointed in a tweet’s performance privately, but then I figure I just have to do better next time. They can’t all be hits.

All I ask for is an even playing field on Favstar. As you all might be aware there are certain words that are considered “banned”. At least they used to be on the old Leaderboard system. Words like pussy, vagina, dick, penis, anal, rape, etc. (“Cunt” is allowed but that’s an Aussie thing.) On the new Favstar “LB” while these words aren’t allowed on the 100 board they are on the 50 board, and the 50 bot will rt the tweets even if these words are included. Not in my case, however. If you look at some of my tweets you can see that when I used these words they do not make the 50 board and they do NOT get RT’d by the 50 bot. 

When I brought this issue to Tim at Favstar he acknowledged that this is a problem because it is filtering my tweets but he told me it is “low priority” right now. I understand that there is another issue he is currently working on, but since I paid for the bonus features I didn’t appreciate being dismissed. Well, I HAD paid for the features. My bonus features are actually set to expire tomorrow and with this in mind and since Tim won’t resolve my issue I’m not going to be renewing. In fact, right now my entire twitter future is in question. I’m very disgruntled at the moment.

If anyone else is having this same problem (and Tim assured me I can’t possibly be the only one) please let Tim know. Maybe if he gets more complaints he will take it seriously. In the meantime, I’m going to be keeping a low profile. I’m just too pissed to be funny at the moment.

Sorry for the whining. I’m done now.

Sometimes I really do feel like I don’t have a friend in the world.

Okay, so the guy I met Friday texted me yesterday. We chatted for a minute, he asked me if I was busy last night, when I told him I was he stopped responding.

Today he texted me “hi” and I sent “hey” back to him and he hasn’t responded. I’m sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve been single. Is “hey” some kind of code for “I will stalk you and kill your family” or something? (Cuz I totally might. I just didn’t want to be obvious.)

Thank you to everyone for your sweet comments about my pic. I really appreciate them. 

And to blanddiva11, bless you sweetie. I’m 40. :)

Those are awesome! Haven’t had them in years…where did you find them?

My cousin bought them for me at the local grocery store (Pick ‘N Save).

A friend of mine just told me he’s never had windmill cookies. How is this possible? Didn’t everyone grow up eating cookies shaped like windmills? 

Want to know how obsessive I am?

If someone says something mean to me on twitter I’ll block them so if they want to continue to abuse me I won’t have to read their tweets. HOWEVER, I will then check their timeline several times a day for at least a week to see if they said something anyway.

Yeah. I know.

Well, for once I have plans for this weekend. Saturday afternoon I’m going to my little cousins birthday party (he’s going to be 12), but tomorrow night I’m going out with my cousin Chrissy. She’s a couple of years younger than I am, but only a few and she’s single, so I’m hoping she’s still as slutty as she used to be (still not as slutty as I am). 

I’m thinking I should wear my “I need penis” sandwich board. Too much?

Okay, random story.

When I was really little there was a show on TV called “Good Times”. Most of you are probably too young to remember it, but it was a Norman Lear sitcom about a black family who lived in the ghetto and dealt w/ issues like racism, poverty etc.

Janet Jackson, of the famous Jackson family, joined the cast at one point. Her first episode showed where she was a little girl who was being abused by her mom. I don’t remember all of it, but there was a scene where the mother was ironing and getting mad at the little girl (Penny). At the end of the scene the mom unplugs the iron, picks it up, and starts to move toward Penny with it.

Now, I was watching this episode completely horrified. I was seriously disturbed by the thought of Penny being burned by her mom and it kind of stayed w/ me though I didn’t tell my parents how it had affected me. I kept it to myself.

A few weeks later my mom had the ironing board in the kitchen w/ the iron resting on top of it. My dad bumped into it, cursed, and told my mom to put it away. My mom picked up the iron, lifted my dads shirt, and put it on his back. Dad immediately start yelling like he was in pain. I swear I ran into the bathroom, screaming my head off and couldn’t stop until my parents kind of shook me out of my hysteria.

Turns out they had just been fucking around and the iron was turned off and cold, but I was seriously freaked out.

And this is the reason I don’t iron shit.

Okay, you all know that I don’t get involved in drama on twitter, but right now I’m a little irked.

Look at these two tweets.

http://favstar.fm/users/donni/status/68872698008313856

http://favstar.fm/users/SeanINCypress/status/83180234366648320

Exactly the same, right?  And when Donni called Sean out, Sean claims he’s never even heard of Donni. NEVER HEARD OF DONNI?! Come on, dude. I could buy that it was a coincidence (maybe) but never heard of Donni? Nah. That’s bullshit.

Okay, I’m done venting. Sorry, but the Donster is my friend and it just kind of pisses me off, even though I also like and follow Sean. Okay…..deep breath….

Okay, since it’s Tuesday I’m going to share with you my favorite joke of all time. It’s really stupid, but I’ve been laughing at it for over 20 years so deal with it!

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

A: Where’s my tractor?

Okay, fine. I’m not proud of it.

I don’t mean to criticize anyone because that disgusting pedophile account everyone is reporting for spam really is heinous, it seems to me that getting their account shut down won’t do much. Yes, they’ll be gone, but all they have to do is set up another email and then come back to twitter.

Not only that, but it’s possible that the person who made the account is somewhat serious and not just trying to be shocking and gross to mess with people. Just in case there is any validity to the repulsive shit this guy is saying I’m going to report that account to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. I hope the account stays around long enough for them to check it out. Child molestation is not a joke and having the words removed from twitter doesn’t make the problem go away…just in case it’s not bullshit. 

Holy shit I was drunk last night. I don’t even remember signing into tumblr and posting something. I’m glad it wasn’t worse. I seem to also have a large amount of pics of my vag on my phone right now…

I miss my Squishy Face. You know who you are, Squishy Face. 

Did you ever have one of those days? 

I was sitting at the dining room table and I leaned too far forward. The chair, which is on wheels, slipped out from under me, threw me to the floor hard, and then bounced off the wall, toppled over, and bashed me in the head.  I ended up with a bump on my head and a sore neck.

Then, when I was baking cupcakes I didn’t open the oven door all the way so when I pulled the wrack out the back of my hand touched the door and I got a pretty serious burn.

Also, I ordered 2 new vibrators to replace the one that I lost and they were supposed to be delivered today but they never came.

So, now I have a headache, a stiff neck, a 2nd degree burn, and I’m super horny. Oh well. At least I got a decent tweet out of it.

So, I’m lying in bed, thinking the thoughts that I think while trying to fall asleep, and I remembered my tumblr post from the other night that said something about “I don’t know who’s right or wrong” etc. I realized that some may have misconstrued the meaning and thought I was talking about some kind of twitter drama that’s been going on recently. I just want to emphatically state that nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, I just heard whispers of that whole situation today for the first time.

See, the thing is I don’t get involved in twitter drama. It isn’t that I don’t care, or don’t have an opinion, or even don’t take sides, because I do. I just do it quietly and to myself. I don’t go on twitter to fight trolls, give people smackdowns, or get involved in drama. I go on twitter to tell and read jokes. It’s all about the funny to me. I’m not saying if someone is harassing you or a friend that you shouldn’t stand up for yourself/them. I don’t judge others for the way they conduct themselves on twitter unless they’re offensive or assholes. Then I just quietly unfollow them and mind my own. I’m just saying I prefer to always stay on the funny side, if possible. I don’t have tons of followers like some do, but I enjoy the ones I do have and I assume they follow me and don’t demand a follow back because they enjoy my humor. I feel as though I owe them the best tweets I’m capable of producing. I don’t always live up to those expectations, but I try my best, usually. I’ve fallen short as of lately because of my real life drama, but I’m trying to get back into the swing of things.

Anyway, my earlier post was about a different situation entirely…something much more personal to me. I really just wanted to clarify that and I didn’t mean to ramble on like this. I blame the Red Bull.

I hate the changes on tumblr. I’ve figured out how to see who I’m following, but how do I see who’s following me?

Sorry, if this has been asked a million times, but I’ve been busy. You know. Tweeting and shit. :)

I don’t know who’s right or wrong
Who’s good or bad
Who said what
Who’s at fault
Who started it…

All I know is that when a friend of mine is hurting, I hurt too.

Ugh! What happened to my book club?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

This is kind of funny.

On Monday May 23rd, I stayed at Motel 6 in Youngstown Ohio because it was about midway between Glastonbury Connecticut and Milwaukee Wisconsin.  I originally thought to stay at Quality Inn but Motel 6 is $30 cheaper a night and I didn’t care about amenities since I was only looking for a place to sleep before continuing my trip the next day.

Everything seemed okay.  The motel didn’t provide shampoo and conditioner so I had to run out and buy some, but otherwise the room was clean and had free wi-fi so I was satisfied.  I checked out Tuesday morning and continued my trip eventually arriving in Milwaukee by the afternoon.  A couple of days later I noticed there was an additional charge to my account of $25 and I didn’t know what it was for.  After being given the run around by Motel 6’s corporate offices for a while I was finally able to speak to the manager at the location in Youngstown.  He told me that the note from housekeeping said “there were no towels in the room.”  He accused me of stealing all the towels!  I have NEVER stolen a towel from a hotel or motel in my life.  Even if I did steal towels, I would never have stolen the towels from Motel 6.  They’re tiny and rough as sandpaper.

The manager said he would look into it and credit my account, but it didn’t happen.  I called again and “Robert” said that the owner said I took the towels and to not give me a refund.  I told him I absolutely did NOT take any towels and in fact I think it’s a scam they run to get more money.  I told him if I don’t get my money back I was going to report them to the Better Business Bureau.  He said he would talk to the owner and the corporate office again and get back to me.  A couple of hours later I got a voicemail saying that he had credited my account.  Ha!

What’s funny is that I was so mad the other day I went online and gave them a bad review on Trip Advisor and I guess Robert saw it today because he called me and asked me to take it down since they refunded my money.  I sent an email to Trip Advisor asking them to remove it, but I’m not going to follow up to make sure they did it.  I still think they were trying to scam me and would’ve gotten away with it if I wasn’t the type of person who doesn’t let herself be taken advantage of.