October 2011
70 posts
September 2011
67 posts
Last night someone retweeted a two week old tweet of mine and gave it a TotD. I really appreciated it. The tweet said something like “my ex-boyfriend is so old I’m going to start referring to him as my tyrannosaurus ex.” Just now I started riffing in my head all the other things I could’ve done with that concept. So, with my apologies…
When we made love we had...
I think the reason I’m still single is that guys really are looking for a woman who is a whore in the bedroom, a chef in the kitchen, and a lady in the living room.
Let me know if you know anyone who is looking for a woman who is a whore in the bedroom, a whore in the kitchen, and embarrasses you by getting drunk and doing her Pee Wee Herman impression out in public.
Who has two thumbs and leaves stupid/creepy messages on people’s google voice?
Yeah. Let me know if you need info to put on the restraining order.
If I reference the episode of Gilligan’s Island where they find the radioactive seeds and Mrs. Howell eats a bunch of sugar beets and then runs around like she’s on crack and you don’t know what I’m talking about then I’m not sure we can be friends.
And I know that was a gigantic run-on sentence, but I’ve had a lot of caffeine, hence the reference, and...
Wednesday Shuffle
Rip Her to Shreds - Blondie
God Only Knows - The Beach Boys
Not Ready to Make Nice - Dixie Chicks
Just Friends - Amy Winehouse
Another One Bites the Dust - Queen
Love Is Everywhere I Go - Sam Phillips
Don’t Cha - The Pussycat Dolls
A Sunday Kind of Love - Etta James
Lucky Ball and Chain - They Might Be Giants
Be Without You - Mary J. Blige
Pretty sure I win the award for the...
Weirdest thing. I was thinking about a book I read when I was in the 4th grade about this little ginger girl who makes friends with a Native-American girl and spends the night or weekend or something on their reservation and they get caught in a blizzard. I tried to Google it using certain words like “red haired girl” “Indians” “blizzard” and all of these links...
So here’s the thing. I told you all that I was at my second godmother’s birthday party last night. What I didn’t mention is that she and I haven’t seen each other in over 10 years since she divorced my cousin. I took it pretty hard at the time because she and I had always been close. A little background…
My cousin Alex started dating Tina when I was about 11 years...
I’m watching football with my cousin and while I want the Packers to win (the Bears suck!) every time they score my cousin is going to make me do a shot.
Oh the things I do for her.
I’m at my godmother’s party right now and I’m so trashed. Also, there are a lot of Mexicans here!
Dude. Pretzels are like so good. Like I’m not even kidding. I’ve had like 4 glasses of wine and now I’m eating pretzels and it’s like the best thing I ever tasted.
I don’t know why I keep saying like. Just like go with it.
Why are all birthday cards so lame? I’m going to my 2nd godmother’s birthday party tomorrow (yes, I have 2. I’m Catholic. Get over it.) and I went to buy her a card today and they were all so stupid. First of all, I don’t do the sentimental cards. Those cards are for pussies. Second, when it says “humor” I expect it to be funny. Most of the people I follow on...
Churning
I don’t know what’s going on with me right now but I definitely feel like I’m churning inside. Inside my stomach, inside my brain…I suddenly feel like someone flipped a switch and turned me on again. I’ve been feeling so numb and out of it for the longest time. That’s why I’ve been staying off twitter. Just now, in the last half hour 8 jokes popped into my...
Just realized one of the reasons I suck so bad at WWF is that I didn’t know I could use the blank tiles for any letter so I would resign the game when I thought I couldn’t make a move.
Boy am I dumb!
You know what I find sexy? A guy who can dance. Not just any dancing, DISCO dancing. Also, he must look good in a leisure suit.
Now that’s hot!
When I first moved to Connecticut in 2006 I temped at a place called ATR (Access to Recovery). They offered assistance to individuals getting out of rehab for drug addiction and alcoholism to get back on their feet. Basically providing money for food, clothing, utilities, transportation, and even rent.
The dude who trained me was also a temp and a very nice guy by the name of John-Paul. When he...
Heritage
Mostly Mexican, though all Mexicans are mixed with either French or Spaniard due to the occupations of Mexico by both countries. In my case I have French blood from my father’s side and Spaniard from my mother’s.
I rarely tell anyone that though because the amounts are tiny and I’m more proud to be Mexican than anything else.
Today is my brother’s birthday. If he was alive he would be 43 years old. Instead he died in 1997 at the age of 28. I still miss him a lot. As they said in the movie Hollywood Shuffle, “He was my only brother. I loveded that dude.”
As many of you may know, his name was Vincent but everyone called him Vinnie which he eventually shortened to Vini. He was a brilliant musician...
I don’t get some people.
I have a very good friend I met when I was living in Connecticut. Let’s just call her Mary. Mary is really cool and fun to hang out with and I love her a lot. We talk on the phone all the time. The problem is that she can’t let go of her ex, Ann. Ann is pretty cool too and she and I are friends as well, but not as close as Mary and I are. Mary and Ann...
A couple of things.
The house smells like burnt popcorn right now. That’s because I burned the Jiffy Pop last night. Yes. I can’t even cook Jiffy Pop without burning it. WTF?! Even Forest Gump could make Jiffy Pop. I think. I mean they didn’t show that in the movie but I’m just guessing.
I forgot to buy thank you cards to send to the person I had the job interview...
I’m considering getting another small tat but I can’t decide if I should get it on the back of my neck or the back of my shoulder. Also I think I want a fleur-de-lis but I also kind of want Hello Kitty.
Help me decide.
Kissing
I’ve loved kissing since I was 5 years old. You might think I’m exaggerating but it’s the honest to goodness truth. When I was in kindergarten my “boyfriend” and I used to build a fort out of our blue and red nap mats during nap-time, hide behind them and kiss. Yes, I was slutty even back then but if it makes you feel any better there was no tongue.
Anyway, it...
Middle name
I honestly don’t have a middle name because my father didn’t believe in them and a middle name killed his brother. It’s really dumb though because we have a super super common last name (the Smith of Spanish names) and I’m always getting slack about parking tickets and from creditors regarding the other Veronicas.
Once a credit agency for a hospital called me and told me...
I just had an awesome idea that will make me tons of money.
You guys should send me some money.
I’m pretty sure Clive Owen has magical powers and is somehow able to control my clit from thousands of miles away.
I’m clean now and I totally smell like sugar and toasted almonds because that’s the kind of body scrub I’m using right now. My hair smells like coconuts too.
Okay, now I’m hungry.
I’m sitting here in my bed waiting for my cousin to leave for the weekend so I can take a shower.
I have too much to do today to put up with this shit. Someone should tell her to get out of her own house.
Which one of you is going to do it?
I suck so bad at WWF. It’s embarrassing, really.
I’m still going to play because it’s fun and I’m okay with losing as long as I’m having a good time.
By the way, I’m VivaVeronica on both WWF and HWF if anyone is interested. Just be warned I sometimes take days to make a move.
I have a job interview Saturday. Meh. I know I should be more excited because it seems they must like me since they seem to have put me on the fast path but I’ve been there so many times before I’m not going to get my hopes up.
At least it gave me the opportunity to shop.
I tweeted a lot today. It’s been a long time since I’ve done that and it felt good at the time but now I just feel dirty. I’d better pray. Or masturbate. Or I could pray about masturbating. Or masturbate while praying.
Too many options!!!
supagrover asked: Hey there, I have a question. How do you post your Tumblr crush board? I am completely confooosed.
I always think of my toilet seat as a bridge over troubled water and my bodily functions as doing either a Simon or a Garfunkel.
mongrelheartme replied to your post: Truthful Tuesday
You’re fucking awesome funny!
_______________________________
Okay, that’s like John Lennon or Bob Dylan telling Taylor Swift she’s a good songwriter! :)
Truthful Tuesday
Some of the best and funniest people on twitter seem to like not only me but my jokes as well and it makes me feel good but at the same time I always think “what the fuck is wrong with you”?!
Seriously. What’s wrong with you?
Well, I had a phone interview today with one of the banks I applied at and it must have went well because she’s going to forward my information to the branch manager to schedule an interview. I should be happy, right?
I was feeling kind of feverish and my stomach was cramping earlier so I took like 8 Aleve. Then later I noticed that I only took 7 because one had fallen out of my hand and into my bra. Then I started thinking about other things I’ve found in my bra. Like lettuce and rice and that one time a bug flew in there. Then I started thinking about that awesome tweet by @kickassjenn. You know the...
Over the weekend I applied for a position at a local bank and first thing this morning they contacted me to let me know they’re interested. Well, duh. Of course they’re interested with my background, intelligence, experience, knowledge, and education. I was in banking and finance for 12 years. I could run any department in any bank with my eyes closed. The only problem is I don’t...
9 tags
I was singing along to my iPod and I totally just whaled on a Celine Dion song…and by that I mean whales beached themselves and the twitter fail whale showed up at my door and told me to shut the fuck up. :(
Holy balls. The movie Breakin’ is on TCM tonight followed by Roller Boogie starring Linda Blair. Is it my birthday or something?!
If Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo was also on then I’d think someone has been reading my diary…
My feelings are so easily hurt. I really need to toughen up somehow. Or at least stop assuming that people on the Internet are sincere when they claim to be my friend.
Sorry for the emo post. I’ll just go read a book now and shut the hell up.
